It aint easy being green

ssshhh...I think I'm halfway done with this wretched chemo....I whisper it as if when I come around the corner the chemo devil might be waiting for me like a naughty toddler. If I let the devil know that I think I'm half way through it might come 'round and knock me off my feet! Now, I know that your instinct will be to congratulate me on making it half way through, but really I've done nothing to deserve accolades. I haven't actually accomplished anything. In fact, it's more like I've ridden out a bad storm. I've been in bed for at least a week for each treatment, and half-days afterward. And, as I've mentioned before, there isn't a specific side effect to pinpoint to treat. It's not like I can point to my kneecap and say ouch...then put some ice on it...yet, still there was a moment this round when Josh came to my bedside to check on me and asked "honey, are you ok?" and it was all I could do to make my eyeball roll to his area of the bed and focus on him. The concentration on this one thing was so intense and focused that I nearly blacked out from the effort. I wanted him to know that I was in there...alive...and that he couldn't do a thing to help me...but that I was riding out the storm. So went the eyeball.

And despite some very strange side effects (my eyelids both twitch so badly that I've had to pull over to the side of the road for fear that I couldn't SEE) the worst is actually a very bad taste in my mouth that has the ability to taint my whole body with a yuckiness that makes me actually FEEL the taste. It's so odd. I've tried everything on the market to 'trick' this taste away. Jolly Ranchers, lollypops and losenges and mostly they just make everything disappear for a few minutes. Nothing really works...except of course time. Unfortunately, the taste does nothing to my seemingly unstoppable appetite though the only thing that makes sense to eat with my reflux is white food. Oh well...I think I'll save the weight issue for another season.